


Garrus Vakarian Walks the Fine Line Between Revenge and Justice.

by Lunarflare14



Series: Empty Galaxies [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Jealousy, Justice, Pre-Relationship, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarflare14/pseuds/Lunarflare14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Horizon Shepard confides in Garrus. They become close again, and it doesn't take long for him to realize Shepard hasn't changed. Garrus has and he didn't realize how much until she was between him and his target.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Garrus Vakarian Walks the Fine Line Between Revenge and Justice.

“Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel.” Kaiden turned to the mechanic. “You’re in the presence of a legend Delan… and a ghost.”

The mechanic left angry.

Then Kaiden hugged her. Garrus was happy she got to see him again. They had been close, and he could tell she was missing the old crew- the people she trusted more than anything.

Then it all turned sour too soon, the minute Cerberus was said, Kaiden shut down. Kaiden was so focused on them he was missing the bigger picture. The worst thing was what Kaiden’s words did to Shepard. He could see it in the way her shoulders slowly tensed with every jabbed Kaiden made.

They debriefed quicker than then usually did at the Normandy and Garrus went back to the main battery. It wasn’t long before Shepard joined him though. The familiar swish of the door and her soft footsteps across the threshold but softer this time, tentative even. “Got a minute to talk?”

Her usual tone was assured, like of course he had a minute for her. Why wouldn’t he? This time there was something fragile just behind her words that had him turning around. “Of course, what is-?”

Shepard face was a bit red in the cheeks, her eyes were watery. This was… new. That was when he remembered that humans cried when they were upset. “What’s wrong?” He came forward on instinct, hands fidgeting by his side with uncertainty.

“If I wasn’t… acting like me, you would tell me right? You would let me know that I have done something I… I wouldn’t do?”

“Of course, I would. What’s wrong? Really?”

She bit her lip and looked at the ground. It was the most vulnerable he’s seen her. “What if Kaiden’s right?” She breathed it out softly. “What if Cerberus is manipulating me and I just think that I am doing these things of my own free will? What if-“ She wiped her eyes again. “What if he’s right?”

Garrus’ hands came to Shepard’s shoulders and gripped them tight. He crouched down to be eye level with her. “I know you, Shepard. I know you better than anyone. Trust me; I would be the first to tell you. Kaiden is just hurting. You show up out of the blue and he’s shaken. You tried to reason with him. He should trust your judgment.” She looked up from staring at the floor and suddenly snaked her arms around Garrus’ neck.

“Thank you for believing in me, Garrus. Thank you for watching my six.” He nodded, not sure what to do. He wrapped his arms around her. She was so small without her armor. “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.” She whispered into my neck. He hugged her tighter.

“It has to be hard, putting on the brave face. You never have to do that with me, alright?”

Shepard pulled back and smiled. “You’re a big softy, has anyone ever told you that?”

He liked it best when she smiled. When her eye crinkled a little and she showed some teeth, it looked genuine. “No, because it is my best kept secret.”

Suddenly, her smile quieted and she took a step back. The transformation from Lana to Shepard was something to behold. “If you ever need to talk…” The sentence was the last glimpse of Lana before the Commander stance took over.

“I know, Shepard.”

She backed up and exited the battery.

Her visits increased after that. They talked about his team, his time as Archangel, his new line of communication with his father, the music she left him. They debated quality and content and stupid things that kept them from thinking about the mission at hand. He hadn’t laughed a lot since her death. His team always joked that he didn’t know how.

Then the call came through about Sidonis. She took him to the Citadel. They found Harkin and she made him not shoot the bastard.

“Harkin is a bloody menace. We shouldn’t have just let him go. He deserves to be punished.” Garrus felt the weight of the decision under his skin. It made him want to shoot something. A head-butt wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for that slime ball.  They were close to Sidonis. So close.

He knew she was watching him now, studying him, without actually looking at her. “I’m getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin.”

He didn’t mention how Shepard let him be hard on Harkin. “You don’t think he deserved it?”

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her stare out the windshield of the shuttle. “It’s just not like you.” The worry in her voice made him turn and do the Turian equivalent of a frown.

“What do you want from me, Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?”

She looked back at him with lost eyes. “I’m not sure. But I wouldn’t let it change me.”

How could Shepard understand? She inspired loyalty to the death. It was the fire in her eyes. Their third squadmate- Thane- remained silent in the back seat. The way his eyes had followed her… Well, it wasn’t just Harkin that had him on edge. Thane should be watching her six, not her every move.

“I would have said the same thing before it happened to me.” He was lashing out. Even though he knew it was wrong- that Shepard was just trying to help- he did it anyway.

“It’s not too late. You don’t have to go through with this.”

It was a suggestion. Lana rarely suggested anything, and for her to do it now… he must have really shaken her back with Harkin.

Of course Shepard wanted to talk to him. She had talked Saren into suicide with no real trouble. She had talked down the Quarian admiralty. Why not Sidonis?

Sidonis deserved to die. Garrus felt it deep in his bones, a numb pulse of rage that rippled through him. He was so ready to pull the trigger on that bastard.

“I understand what you’re going through-- but do you really want to kill him?” Now she sounded tired, like the talking in circles was becoming too much for once.

“I understand your concern, but I’m not you.” He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t.

“This isn’t you either.” Now she sounded impatient, like Garrus was a child she couldn’t get to understand why he needed to go to sleep earlier than the adults. It was surprising—she really believed that this wasn’t his way, that he wasn’t acting like himself.

“Really? I’ve always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this?” The last few words came out as a desperate laugh. He looked at her then, hoping to convey what his words couldn’t. He tried the words again anyway. “Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?” The pang of those old wounds steadied him- reassured him in his purpose. It would take more than Shepard’s words to change his mind. “I’m sorry, Shepard, but words aren’t going to solve this problem. I need to set up.” He figured they should get to business, and did a quick scan of the area. Letting her talk to him was risky but he’d be able to get a shot in if Sidonis tried anything. “I can get a clear shot from over there.”

She sighed. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Garrus got into position. It took all his will power not to shoot Sidonis right away, too many bystanders, and unaccounted for variables. “Shepard, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

Garrus checked the scope. She and Thane walked over were to Sidonis was sitting. “Alright there he is… wave him over and keep him talking.”

Sidonis walked up to her, irritated. “Let’s get this over with.” Garrus’ mandibles flared at the sound of his voice over the comm.

“You’re in my shot. Move to the side.” His voice was just above a whisper in her ear piece.

Instead, her head remained steadily in his scope. “Listen, Sidonis, I’m here to help.”

Garrus froze. What the hell?

“Don’t ever say that name aloud.” Yeah, he better sound terrified.

“I’m a friend of Garrus’. He wants you dead but I’m hoping that’s not necessary.”

“Is this some kind of joke?” Sidonis was about to be shot but Shepard wouldn’t move. That crazy bitch was getting in his shot on purpose. What was her angle? He told her he wouldn’t change his mind. What was she doing?”

She made him so angry sometimes.

“Damn it, Shepard. If he moves I am taking the shot.”

“You’re not kidding are you? Screw this I’m not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems.”

 _Move you bastard and those problems will be nothing compared to the hole I’ll put through your head._ Sidonis went to walk away but Shepard grabbed his arm.

“Don’t move.”

Garrus was going to shoot her. It wasn’t true but he felt that way.

“Get off me.” Sidonis had almost been clear of her.

“I am the only thing standing between you and a whole in the head.”

“Fuck I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t have a choice”

“Everyone has a choice.” Garrus let out a low growl with his words. The bastard wouldn’t even own up to it, laying the blame on others.

“They got to me. Said they’d kill me if I didn’t help. What was I supposed to do?”

What was he supposed to do? He was supposed to die with honor rather than betray his squad. “Let me take the shot, Shepard, he’s a damn coward!” She still moved when Sidonis did, keeping her head between him and Garrus’ gun.

“That’s it? You were just trying to save yourself?” Ah, she was probing him for answers. Garrus knew enough though.

"I know what I did. I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that. I wake up every night… sick… sweating. Each of their faces staring at me. Accusing me. I’m already a dead man. I don’t sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over.”

That could be arranged. “Just give me the chance.”

“You got to let it go Garrus. He’s already paying for his crimes”

“He hasn’t paid enough. He still has his life”

“Look at him, Garrus. He’s not alive. There’s nothing left to kill.”

She was right. He could feel his anger slipping away. The fury that had fueled him these past couple of months was easing. Sidonis looked so pathetic in his sights. So broken and defeated that his finger eased. “My men… they deserved better.”

“Tell Garrus... I guess there’s nothing I can say to make it right.” There wasn’t. Not all the words in the galaxy could bring his men back. Neither could killing Sidonis. This wasn’t justice. The guys wouldn’t have wanted this. Shepard had moved out of the way long ago and he still hadn’t taken the shot. That sneaky bitch knew this would happen. Maybe someday soon he’d be thankful.

“Just… go.” He forgot for a moment that Sidonis couldn’t hear him. “Tell him to go.”

“He’s giving you a second chance, Sidonis. Don’t waste it.” The usual Shepard-is-in-charge tone was back.

“I’ll try, Garrus. I’ll make it up to you. Somehow.” Garrus almost shot him then but Shepard was still in the way, even though he had a clear shot… she was gnawing at his resolve. “Thank you… for talking to him.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” For the first time, Shepard sounded angry—disgusted even. She turned and he saw her eyes through the sights. She was looking at him, obviously relieved and more than a little defiant. She wouldn’t apologize for this. Not ever.

When he met her at the shuttle again, he spoke before she could. “I know you want to talk about this but I don’t. Not yet.” The last part was added because this was Shepard, and Shepard made you talk about things.

“Alright. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, can we just go? I’ve had enough of this place.”

She nodded, getting in the taxi. They stopped by the Embassy quick; Shepard asked them to hold the taxi while she ran in to talk to Anderson.

That left him alone with Thane.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Thane. It was more like Shepard always seemed to bring him along on their missions planet side more than the others. The three of them had become a team, but Thane and her talked for hours in Life Support. He knew it was mostly about Thane, that she was getting to know him and enjoyed his company. Thane was smart, and funny. He didn’t know what he thought of the drell.

“She was trying to protect you.” Thane’s voice made him jump a little.

But then Garrus shrugged. “I had it under control.”

“No. You didn’t.” Thane sat straighter in the back seat. “You were letting your pain and anger fuel your actions. Trust me, as one who exacted complete revenge before, it can do more harm than good.”

Garrus looked back. “What happened?”

“My wife was killed. I killed those responsible- all of them, without mercy. Some of them begged for their lives. I was not forgiving. Your siha feared for your soul.”

Garrus blinked. “You’ve called her that before.”

“They are angels of the goddess Arashu- their wrath is fierce and only rivaled by their tenacity as protectors.”

 Garrus laughed a little. “So you do have a thing for her then.”

“I did not mean to over step my bounds. I assure you I have made no attempts to further our relationship, and I do not mean too.”

Garrus turned back to the front. “Me and Shepard aren’t a thing.”

Thane blinked at him in the rearview mirror. “Oh… well then this is awkward. I miss read you both then. The way Shepard looks at you I thought…”

Garrus turned back around. “What do you mean she looks at me?”

But Lana was walking back to the shuttle and they both fell silent.


End file.
